Posted by Steve Bagley
(Facebook sucks and so do you. A heartfelt but terse rant by the commander of the Unified Human Resistance who traveled back in time from the year 2081 in order to warn you about your pitiful self-obsession)
Ok, listen up all you blissfully unaware simpletons who think Facebook is the most awesome shit in the world. It is not. It sucks. Frankly, it wreaks of poor taste and gives people their own little virtual-ego-world where they can be as cool and deep as they want and list all the movies and books they identify with so they can subsequently draw unflawed pictures of themselves while so conveniently avoiding human contact so as to keep from ruining their own little illusions of perfection, self-security and righteousness. Don't you see, that is how the robots want you to feel- complacent and comfortable. When the robots come, and everyone knows they will, the people on Facebook will be the first to be enslaved and harnessed for their precious life juice that the machines will later use to power the heat-seeking tanks during the human uprising. Those of you who resist will be killed or relentlessly hunted by the cold, calculating, emotionless robots. So when you're snacking on rats and clinging to your AK-47 in the dark, dank ruins of what was once the campus center while preparing to make a futile last stand as the robots approach with their machine guns, glowing red eyes and grinning metal skulls you can thank the assholes on Facebook.
(Facebook sucks and so do you. A heartfelt but terse rant by the commander of the Unified Human Resistance who traveled back in time from the year 2081 in order to warn you about your pitiful self-obsession)
Ok, listen up all you blissfully unaware simpletons who think Facebook is the most awesome shit in the world. It is not. It sucks. Frankly, it wreaks of poor taste and gives people their own little virtual-ego-world where they can be as cool and deep as they want and list all the movies and books they identify with so they can subsequently draw unflawed pictures of themselves while so conveniently avoiding human contact so as to keep from ruining their own little illusions of perfection, self-security and righteousness. Don't you see, that is how the robots want you to feel- complacent and comfortable. When the robots come, and everyone knows they will, the people on Facebook will be the first to be enslaved and harnessed for their precious life juice that the machines will later use to power the heat-seeking tanks during the human uprising. Those of you who resist will be killed or relentlessly hunted by the cold, calculating, emotionless robots. So when you're snacking on rats and clinging to your AK-47 in the dark, dank ruins of what was once the campus center while preparing to make a futile last stand as the robots approach with their machine guns, glowing red eyes and grinning metal skulls you can thank the assholes on Facebook.
This entry was posted by Ben Myers, on
Monday, March 20, 2006.
You can leave your response.
6:05 PM
Dude, you asked me to be your friend yesterday. What's the deal?
I do agree that it is a tool best used for stalking.